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dear diary,

it's been so long. why did i abandon you in the middle of such a vicious shitstorm? perhaps we were just so familiar with each other it didn't seem "fun" anymore.

well, permit me, if you will, to make up for my neglect.

i have a "new" sibling. of sorts.

my father (her father, too) seems to not understand that this would bother me, as he keeps sending emails announcing her existence (born LAST YEAR) and that he hopes i will come to wilno in the summer to MEET my "new family" and my "new sister". exscweeze me? "new" families and sisters? i DON'T BLOODY THINK SO. i have ONE severely malfunctioning family and that is ONE TOO MANY, thank you.

i don't want to go into it, though at some point i will, but at this point i am expecting my father's dead twin brother to show up (he doesn't have one....or DOES HE?) and wreack havoc. wait, that would make him the evil twin. i think my father would definitely have been the evil twin who attempted to kill the good twin, who needs to return and avenge this injustice. NOW.

so dear diary, i'm sure you'll understand, that after 1) my grandfather's death, 2) having to carry his coffin and "be there" for my father, who, at that point, was only my and my brothers' father, 3) worrying about the future of the family home, and my ex-cat boris, 4) having a crackhead break into my apartment the friday night before reading week (which was subsequently spent not reading, but in various stages of anxiety), and open the door of my bedroom and get confused by my loft bed, allowing me time to sit up and say "who the fuck is that," watch him escape while i followed him unarmed and helpless, and then deal with the most unhelpful examples of toronto police officers EVER, 5) learn of a half-thai half-sibling 25 years younger than i, 6) have my dad send me PICTURES of the child and remark that she "looks like [I] did at that age" ("i'm sure you'll agree") and think that I AM JUST FIIIIIINE and DANDY about all of this,
well, i'm sure you'll understand just how hard it has been for me to really formulate all these thoughts coherently.

i'll try harder next time,

k.