�

two twenty fucking two. pee em.

EVERYTHING IS FUCKING DEAD/

ded like red. no fred. did i mention my hed?

it's been a while you stupid bitch of a diary. you see. i was at home. nurturing dying marriages. changing their diapers and making sure the feeding tube was just right. then i came home on the bus and un-disaray-ed my apartment. then i used some duct tape scotch tape mix tape and fucking put it all back together again. and received some cats.

what/s that? five percent per day? sixty dollars to petition for an extention? for each class? that sounds mighty fine, guv'ner. wrap 'er up.

do i sound crazy to yu? DO I SOUND IT?

fuck you. no i don't mean that, i'm saying it to myself, saying it to this page. not to "you" whatever that may be. fuck YOU! i am this mess of anger and hatred and has the bleeding stopped yet? and the JEALOUSY my GOD! you think i never had anything to call my own. i am JEALOUS of people, people who people love and who have IT ALL. oh shhhhuuuuuuure everybody has their problems but jesus christ you have a job you don't work at, a home that's not like -->THIS<-- and a lover who isn't crushed under your weight. you don't CRUSH LOVERS under your weight. you FIT into pants. you do not expand and expand and expand untilyou cannot fit any more. YOU - DO - NOT.

i had a bout of food poisoning when i got back, probably the result of inadvertedly eating FECES of some sort or another, so much for compulsive handwashing. the worst pain and rotton sour egg burps and shitting rivers. and it felt DAMN GOOD to me, let me tell you that. for once, the sickness was not in my HEAD. not in my fucking HEART, not in my stupid brain. it was in my BODY and it was being ripped apart.

as soon as i felt better i ate three pieces of suspect greying tuna maki sushi rolls/

let me just run to the bathroom and get it all out again and feel that sense of relief and religion.

I FUCKING HATE THIS NOW AND EVER.

this isn't r-i-g-h-t and i don't want to play victim. easter is over, jesus. you can just get yourself down off that cross boy-o. me, i'm talking to me now.