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i freakin' hate the pubic library now. jerkasses on computers for too long. pah.

i've been trying to study today, and it's been marginally successful. not great, but better.

i came down with a five-minute flu last night - it was VERY odd. i was making dinner - slab o' salmon, cous cous, and whacked-out tabouli with fennel and sunflower sprouts - and halfway through the preparation i just felt ill. i had a headache during the day since i hadn't really eaten since 11.30am, but i was feeling ILL. i drank two pints of orange juice to get my blood sugar back up when i got home, then took two ibuprofen (i couldn't find my beloved 222s - those day-long headaches can only really be relieved through codeine). i served socks and slumped into my chair, sans appetite. she made me at least TRY to eat, citing my illness as an effect of the starvation. i picked at my food, knowing that the "chew chew chew oh god, when can i stop chewing" thing was not a good sign. sure enough, after some crying at the pain of it all, i retched. involuntarily, too! so odd. i'm SO not used to finger- or alcohol-induced retching. makes me feel like a kid again.

i even missed some of survivor - WOULD YOU BELIEVE - because of it. i think socks took me REALLY seriously then.

then i slept through CSI (socks must have been thinking about calling 911) and felt better through ER, and even had a bowl of cereal. and today i am fine. i ate my dinner and it was scrumdiddleyumptious.

i've resolved that by next friday, i will have created an outline of sorts for my huge, massive research project; transcribed at least 2 of the interviews, and at least ARRANGED a meeting with my prof. i'm not going to feel any better about this until i actually DO SOMETHING. i mean, the guideline is 10-20,000 words (that's 40-80!!!!!! pages) so i really can't leave this shit until the night before. i get so mad when i think that i have one prof, a fucking hot german dude who loves torture and the holocaust, and for whom i would do anything and read voluminous tomes (and use words like "voluminous tomes"), and then another, who is a beady-eyed, non-committal little prick who pronounces "frontier" "phronn-teer" and repeatedly used the expression "pull themselves up by their bootstraps". and guess whose course is the easy A, and guess whose course is the 80-fucking-page-paper? arrrrgh.

now i'm making contingency plans should i not be able to graduate. FUCK THAT!