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so it's all winding down, now. my mother was up for the weekend and was a great help in transcribing the interviews for my independent research - it took a good 20 hours of writing for about 3 hours of old lady yappin'! and i've still got two interviews to do myself! it's great, though, since it has so far totalled to about 30 pages (single spaced) of info - cutting into my "oh-my-god-i-need-80-pages" anxiety. of course, these 70 extra pages will end up being in the appendix, but i can pack my essay down with quotes, quotes, and more fucking quotes. ehhhxcellent....

i just wrote to my supervisor and asked if we could meet tomorrow. i'm so brave! whoulda thunkit!

i got a nice new haircut, too, and the combination of a less weighty head and no more periodic bloatation makes me feel much more confident and light all 'round. combined with a reduction in eating (stress) and lots of coffee (jittery-ness), i feel damn well lara flynn boyle-ish. which could explain why i had a dream where i was telling a younger (but not young) jack nicholson that i would do ANYTHING, hint hint.

Prof. Hottie sat next to me yesterday in what i could only read as a CALCULATED move to sit next to me. perhaps it's that added confidence, and perhaps i'm reading into the "moment" we "shared" that gave us a common experience out of the classroom...but damn, did it ever feel all nice and exciting. especially when we engaged in discussion on a book that was presented, and it felt like our own little debate. the best part? me saying something, feeling my heart beat faster as i tried to remain articulate, and his reaction of PURE agreement - "exactly, that's exactly it!" *sigh* i wanted to grab his hair and shake his head and growl "you're so damn cute and smart!" but i didn't.

he was also referring to me within the class, in little asides, saying "that would be good for your research" a couple of times, which made me all uncomfortable in that "everyone is watching me get singled out by you, and watching me LOVE IT" way. i would nod, drop my gaze, blush....and yet, there remains in me an absolute logic that these imaginations are but that - fantasies of infatuation on his part. when really, i'm sure he's just a nice guy who is doing his job, albeit all-so-helpfully and damn hotly.

and i have to remind myself that i have another essay due, for a class that escapes my interest so fully...not even the prof's "pakistani einstein" appearance and insane combover can maintain my attention.