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i'm sitting here with my hair looking suspiciously like a white reverend al sharpton's. i need a haircut please. it's shellacked with black hair dye, so i kind of look more like an evangelist with a serious elvis fixation.

i'm feeling in an experimental mood today. like,
what would happen if i put dried beans in my hot air popcorn popper?
or
what would happen if i soaked popcorn kernals overnight?

the answer to these questions is probably "nothing." so i ventured another route...
i should dye my armpit hair to match my head hair...blue-black!

no! bad idea! bad!idea!

(don't worry, i didn't do it.)

but now that i'm on the subject, let me tell you about my armpit hair. it's part of a seinfeldian competition of sorts. i didn't participate in last year's pitmouse, or "pouse," tournament for fear that i might obliterate the competition. so i joined up for the smaller scale 2000 tourney.

what's that? 2000 is over? uh, yeah, so is the competition. but i've become attached to little Triffid, as i've named my growths. they make me feel like a Real Lesbian [TM] and my girlfriend inexplicably thinks it's cute. my own views on body hair has led her to waxing on a regular basis. no, i didn't tell her to get rid of it, but she sees my own shining hairless example and follows suit.

i will get rid of them, and it will be a beautiful day. the return to itchy stubble, rather than itchy tufts. but the only thing stopping me is that i have not declared my victory as Supreme Pit Mouse Cultivator. until that day, i, or WE rather, shall lie in wait...