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i was listening to the moulin rouge soundtrack this morning, and it's a pretty disappointing cd when all you really want is to be in the movie again. plus, it doesn't have "the show must go on" (awww yeah, props to my QUEEN RING). but thank god john leguizamo is almost erased from the experience. ughggh.

i'm suffering from an anxious disposition. it's due, in part, to my schoolwork. then there's the fucking cat killers. (i should warn you that reading this article might disturb you to no end.)
then there was the misunderstanding that richard had when i told him how i'm being bothered by his sister's death. he took it to mean that i was waffling on playing shows, not being committed, etc. but we worked it out. it was just very hard to sit and read his email, how he perceives me, and what he has to go through to get me to do a show with him, etc. even though i knew it wasn't true, it still kicked me in the stomach.

i'm sleeping during the day out of defeat, and i just have to get it all together. nothing will be made any easier if i don't.