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getting up early does have its good points.

but staying up late...man, oh man, that's nice.

"trauma: life in the er" was supposed to show columbine students being treated, but i didn't see any. mind you, i was flipping between that and...oh, probably another episode of "3rd rock" so i might have missed them. or perhaps they were just students from columbine being treated for something like athlete's foot. pah. i want to see some TELEVISED TRAGEDIES, PLEASE!

i also watched the pilot episode of "coronation street" and was absolutely disgusted to see one of the characters spit into something and apply it to her eyelashes! apparently, this was the old form of mascara. spit into a little box, mix it up, and comb it on. no wonder people used to die at age 40, i say. spitting in their OWN EYES.

(i'm trying to finish every paragraph with CAPITALIZED WORDS.)

i'm a little tapped today, so, from the onion:

Hidden Valley Ranch Bombed By Balsamic Extremists

HIDDEN VALLEY, CA-- A radical Balsamic fundamentalist group detonated an estimated 800 pounds of TNT at the Hidden Valley Ranch compound Monday, killing 11 and injuring dozens more. "Let no salad again be foully tainted by the corrupt regime of Hidden Valley," said Martin Pulaski, leader of the Nation Of Balsam, in a statement claiming responsibility for the deadly attack. "We shall not rest until every salad's flavor is enhanced by a light and tangy vinaigrette, not buried in a shameful avalanche of buttermilk."