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iota thinks she can kick my ass. huh, i chuckle, my chest popping with the "huh!"-ness of my doubt. just because i stopped working out and put on, like, 400 lbs doesn't mean i can't kick your ass. i could just SIT on you. fat people have powers, you know. SECRET powers.

see, i decided that socks and i should have one of those "one couple-boycotting-another couple" things that "grown ups" seem to have. i'm always so jealous of those grown ups and their grown up problems.

mr. and mrs. iota were supposed to come down to OUR neck of the woods for brunch on sunday, to OUR "place" for brunch. even though we always eat dinner there, and have only brunched there once. it's still kickass, i tell you. but when socks called, mr. iota said that mrs. iota had been out walking f-dog, and said it was "too cold" to come down. they were just going to go brunch at THEIR place.

harumph, i say.

i formulated the boycott when i stepped outside to find it not TOO cold at all! alright, the wind took off an extra 12 degrees of warmth, but still! it's winter! does iota think it's ju-freakin'-ly? WE have braved the cold to go visit THEM in THEIR neck of the woods! so the boycott would be as follows:

~socks would be all "funny" about going to the gym with iota. she would say things like "um, i was actually thinking of doing my laundry tonight instead. bye." and be really curt talking about it. she would slowly phase out going to the gym at all. she would be spotted by a mutual friend some months later at a DIFFERENT gym.

~one day, out of the blue, i would remove iota from my links list. maybe a few months down the road, or maybe the entire links list altogether, to not make the associationg of the event-reaction blatantly obvious (this is the way grown-ups like to do it, beating around the bush)

~no calls, no sightings for months. and months. and months.

~mr. and mrs. iota would ask each other, "why don't we see them anymore? what happened? what did we do? what COULD we have done? are they really that petty?" they would "not let it bother them."

~because of questioning themselves as people, they would develop resentment towards us.

~mutual friends would feel awkward mentioning the "other" and we would feign mild curiousity - MILD, DAMMIT! - and get updates. not that we care or anything.

~then, it would culminate in both couples bumping into each other, or at a mutual friend's dinner/house party, and extreme awkwardness.

then socks had to go and TELL iota all about it, ruining my plans for destruction.

dammit, socks, how many times to i have to tell you to stop foiling my plans!