�

i've been reluctant to write here as much as i used to...never know if enemy eyes are watching. i know that's a little strange considering my last entry, but i suppose that's the kind of entry i don't care if enemy eyes should happen to see.

i guess another odd direction i'm going in (in comparison to the last entry) is that i'm ready to write about d.'s daughter. i've been feeling much more adult in the past four months just by virtue of being around V, and d. and V. together - watching my girlfriend parent is kind of an odd sensation. doing some parenting myself is also odd, especially since it goes beyond just "babysitting" style supervision. i actually am expected to tell V. to use her manners and not to throw things. i'm by no means a "co-parent" - d.'s ex can be the babydaddy, even if he is a weiner - but it's a lot more involvement in a child's life than i ever expected.

another step i'm going to take soon is attending a clinic day once d. starts up her new schedule regarding this (her ex has been taking V. every week while he's been off work; he's going back to work full-time and they will alternate weeks now). V. has leukemia...when i met her she was quite pale, hairless, and restless during the night, crying out for d. constantly after being tucked in, not to mention every few hours. since then, i've experienced the rollercoaster ride that is a two-year-old going through chemotherapy, steroid treatment, and general childhood tantrums and giggles. i've shared d.'s frustrations during steroid week, when V. is indecisive, inconsolable, moody, or just generally miserable. i've also shared how brilliant a kid she is, charming and cheeky, and wonderfully cute. i have a lot of fun being there for it all, and am glad for the trials when they occur.

so in july, i'm going to join d. in taking V. to clinic, where she'll get her "finger poke" (blood sample) done, and her chest port accessed for the chemo and more blood taking, and meet all the other kids whose journals i read, which help me monitor their progress without having even seen them before. i hope their parents accept me if only as a positive influence in d.'s life, and V.'s.

i don't think any of them have two mommies or two daddies...