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still no word from prof. hottie. that's ok. i'm ok. really. honestly.

i talked to my brother on the phone last night for a couple of hours. one of those hours was dedicated - as he pointed out - exclusively to prof. hottie. i was aware of it. then i said, "yeah, well, back to prof. hottie..." he said that this seemed to follow my pattern of behaviour - that this is how i learn. we went through my history, and i had to agree - my strongest academic acheivements were only spurned on by obsession and a desire to impress the object of my attention. then we worried that i might just cross that line one day in an outburst of psychosis, when the formula stopped working or satisfying me. i said, "yes, i would just take the next logical step, like killing them and eating their brains!" we laughed then...did that sighing thing where you know it could be true.

i got an email from my dad, back in pakistan - which i didn't know. it goes a little something like this:
"So how is business at the bike shop?. I suppose that you will be working there all summer?. What are you short, mid and long term plans?. I would like to know what you are indenting to do with your life."

aggggggggh. what i'm intending to do with my life??? what the hell? ok, ok. let's think about this.
short term plans
* to get an email from prof. hottie.
* to not waste this weekend in an altered and unproductive state.
* to maybe get a coffee and read through my research paper and assess the criticism.
* to put up blinds in my room.
* to pay my rent

mid term plans
* to figure out what "mid term plans" means

long term plans
* to continue growing as a person and developing my interests in a way that both satisfies myself and contributes to the betterment of the world and those around me.
* i'm sorry, was there anything else?

but of course, i can't SAY these things to my dad. i think he wants to know if i'm going back to school so he can make HIS short, mid, and long term excuses, never mind PLANS - all in order to avoid coming home and getting a divorce and TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for all his failings as a human being and then MOVING THE FUCK ON.

the end!