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well, iota was right, i guess...i have not gotten a response from prof. hottie. she did a little bubble bustin' the other night when she told me that there was nothing in it, really, that warranted a response. that if she were a prof, she would feel ok not responding to it. hmph. so.

you know, i sometimes feel a little uneasy or awkward or very vulnerable around her, because it feels like she can see right through me. she seems like such an excellent observer that i often feel like she knows more about me than i do. and that she's squirrelling all that knowledge away....and should i be talking to her while i'm drunk? because i'm even more open while drunk. and maybe there are, in fact, some things i don't want people to know.

i'm feeling weird kick-in-the-gut feeling about several different things at once, but funnily enough, they all relate to my vulnerability with others, and others getting too close for comfort, or not being close enough. that ill feeling that something is not quite right with the alignment. my appetite has been reduced to cheese and crackers. two different types of ben and jerry's sat in the freezer untouched during my weekend of stonedness. i was wrestling with several hangovers on sunday morning.

could life not just kick me in the pants rather than kick me in the gut? i think i'd be better able to handle that.