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i freaked out yesterday because i thought i had left the transcript-orderin' too late and i wouldn't get them on time and i wouldn't get accepted to grad school and i would have no direction or purpose in life and my life would also be over.

but my friend tells me she's only ever had to wait a week for her transcripts so maybe it will be ok. she tells me that it WILL be ok, but i have to maintain some level of panic...i mean, it serves so many purposes - #1, it keeps the cosmic whirl all going until everything goes RIGHT, as is the pattern deigned "my way"; #2, it will motivate me to start that list of why i'm so stupid - and perhaps another list of ways to counteract the stupidity; #3, it will keep those annoying holiday pounds at bay! for example, i haven't eaten anything today! ok, i ate a very small cookie. but it tasted rotten in my undeserving mouth.

i'm leaving tomorrow morning for the homestead. my mother is having people over for christmas eve - this is a first. also, the thai maid will not be there! finally! this is one of the motivators of my return home. i don't want to waste any more scented candle gifts of obligation on her sorry ass.

i must go home and stick a pin in my voodoo doll to ensure my life gets back on course.