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analyzing frame by frame survivor promos.

gotta figure out who takes the mil.

brain is looking carefully.

one by one by one constructing the episode.

this is why i'm doing this.

he doesn't know if he wants to be here anymore.

she has secrets she's not telling us.

i have no fans.

and i'm finding i need fans.

my parents are downstairs, talking. like normal. like always. was my dad sobbing three, four days ago? was my mother at a religious retreat in the woods, two days ago?

the dog stumbles around, pees on the floor. grandpa stumbles around, pees on the floor. my brother jk (the one i LIKE these days) has gone. with the hash. i haven't had a cigarette since yesterday afternoon. and this afternoon, when socks told me the news about my brother Loser (for that is his name), i wanted a cigarette badly. once again kill myself.

i'd scratch myself raw if i were allowed to, dammit. maybe the first thing i will eat when i get back is a big plate of beef sashimi at the sushi restaurant. i have often felt my anger to be very primal, and perhaps the only way to adequately calm myself is to calm that raging caveman inside.

fucking

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