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my nails are long, white, firm. ready to scratch out the eyeballs of the next person who stands in my way, tells me what to do, whines that i've hurt their feelings.

my god, i am seething rage. i'm quiet, and my crocodile jaws remain glued together, waiting patiently below the water until that split second...the more i try to relax, closing my eyes and breathing deeply, the more the anger stays inside and simmers gently. only my molars touch; this is a dental problem that i would need laser-assisted surgery to correct. they are flattening away, and my cheeks slightly protrude with the jawbone's clench.

my brother is not moving out until may 1st. i left a message on the phone that this was unacceptable, and he would have to find a friend to stay with. i made a promise to socks that it would be two months, and two months it has been. no more. enough.

he got this message and "freaked out" - cried for the first time since he was 18, and lamented that i hated him and never told him that i loved him. this makes me even more angry. the icing on the cake? he is not going to move out "to accomodate" me. and this won't make me any more angry??

so now i have to lie to him. tell him that i don't hate him. but i am telling him that he fucked up, and he has to make himself as discreet as possible in this apartment - MY apartment, OUR apartment (meaning belonging to socks and myself, not him and myself) and be out on may first fucking 12am.

it's going to take all my strength not to commit fratracide this month.

this special month.