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i totally hate 28 days. i need at least 2 more to get crap done! d'you hear me??

i'm finished with the dentist, for now. i got two more fillings yesterday, and some nasty bruising action in my cheek from all the big scary needles. apparently, when freezing the upper side of my mouth, the novocaine is far more effective than when freezing the lower side. the lower side just doesn't "take" to freezing so well. that's why i need about 3 shots. but that upper side, woo! that puppy went numb after the first go, and it wasn't as painful as i thought, either.

i was so numb by the end of it, my face was actually DROOPING. sometimes, you feel as if your face is dragging along the ground like some grotesque quasimodo character, but it's not, actually. well, yesterday, i felt like our charismatic-but-afflicted prime minister. except puffier. and droolier.

i also got the chip in my front tooth fixed. i have to tell you the story of this chip. the chip helped me realize that my first girlfriend was, indeed, not right for me.

i had recorded a musical segment on the wonderful religious program i used to watch every morning, well, religiously, i guess. it was a particularly stirring song, with a catchy up-beat tune, and the wise lyrics of "your money can't buy it! your money can't buy it! this gift of love sent from above, no no no....your money can't buy it!" the singer was an older gentleman with a bushy pseudo-handlebar mustache.

one night while The 1st Girlfriend was over, and my brother and i had been drinking beer for a while, i got the urge to play this video. the song really did hit me with its best shot, and i leapt up to make love to the tv. after a little humping, i leaned in for the kiss...*KOONK!* went my tooth against the glass as i licked the screen. in my drunken haze, i had miscalculated the depth of the space between myself and the screen, leaning in a little too far, and a little too eagerly, i guess.

i reached up to feel my tooth. "aggh! i fink i shipped my toof!" i found the small fragment on the screen amidst the rainbow pattern of refracted saliva. "aggh!"

while my brother was off laughing his ass off, The Girlfriend gave me "that look" - kind of sideways, confused, not sure of just what had happened. "that look" came about a few other times, such as when i smeared chocolate chip cookies on my teeth and proposed to my friend in my best hick accent.

her sense of humour was obviously far too refined to appreciate my brother and i adding new dialogue to the muted portuguese soap operas, mostly revolving around the story line of which nun in the convent had the cucumber last.

yeah, that relationship didn't last so long. i happen to love my idea of funny.