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is my hair falling out?? there seemed to be a lot of hair on my keyboard, but that could just be the "pre-entry hair-grab" that did it.

so to sum up last week - oh, i should warn that i don't know when weeks end and begin anymore. see, (oh god, i sound like GWB) my first class is on a monday night, then i relax until thursday, when i have two other classes, then i relax until monday night, etc. you see where i'm goin' with this? (of course, i am half-slouched on my podium, squinty eyes flickerin', with my so-called cowboy-drawl, as i'm saying this. sorry, sorry, "sayin'".)

so to sum up what was essentially the end of last week into the middle of this week (aka last week) - i had a nice friend visit, and we had a nice time, and the weather was nice. how nice.

i have started preliminary research on my MRP - i think? it could be for my MRP, or it could be for my Polish Jews course. considering my prof is NOT my advisor but it acting VERRRY advisorly, i'm not really sure what freakin' paper i'm working on - he said i could use the paper for his class as part of the bigger paper. but i wanna do film, and he's really steering me towards Pure History, as i thought he would. hm. should i just go with the flow? i have no clue. perhaps i should talk to yet ANOTHER prof who isn't my advisor, and get her advice. or that could just be too much work, and i'll do the whole paper sans advisor, and when the department asks me about it in the spring or so, i can say "oh, i thought 'advisor' was like, in the spiritual sense....not a real, like, supervising advisor watching-your-every-move, grading-your-drafts, kind of way." they might buy it.

i've been keeping everything on the down low, as the kids in the hood say, due to the overwhelming sense of drama of the week before last. i mean, nothing is anyone's fault, and i don't say "drama" in a derogatory sense...just, things were getting a little too "dramatic" for me to "function" "properly". i feel the need to see fred soon; i need to yell at him for eating during our sessions, or something. that will surely put me back on track.

i wonder if there aren't pills (fuck cognitive-behavioural strategies) to take for my self-diagnosed sleep disorder. i'm having the same bullshit reaction to cracking open a book that i had in my first, what, 4 years of school. i can't figure out what i was doing during my last few years that would have prevented this. perhaps having "an office" and "a desk" and "a halogen reading light" and "an uncomfortable wooden chair" helped me stay awake. i must admit that "constant beckoning internet access" and "studying in a cloud of soft pillows on the toasty comforting bed" is not so conducive to awake awareness. but fuck it, i want pills.

i have my first assignment due next week, too - a book review for my polish jews course. acccck, my first paper in a very very long time. not like this fucking diary has been helping me stay in professional practice. maybe i will integrate the word "goddddamm" in my review, though.