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ah, sorethroat. you silly little thing, you.

now, if you had only ASKED these things in the first place and gotten them over with, you would have been ok. but no. you had to work yourself into a little knot, cultivating that little ulcer you've named "george", not knowing, and predicting the worst - with bonus worstness added.

where is this self-chastizing coming from? well. i just had a little casual meeting with the Independent Research Supervisor (formerly known as "asshole") and it was good. it eased my brain - a little. well, a lot. i have knew worries to think about, but they are nowhere near as "KILL YOURSELF NOW!"-y as before.

-#1- it doesn't have to be 80 pages, would you believe! i asked him about the length, and he said, "oh, somewhere around 30 pages, i'd suppose..." to which my face must have lit up like the batlight, since he asked if i had assumed something different. "uh, 80 pages!" he asked me how i got that, and i told him that it was right in the book, 10-20,000 words, and at 250 words a page, that's 80 pages. i even had a friend calculate it for me, since i'm dumm. he said, "no, no, no, that's not right..." and took out his calculator...i said, "20,000 divided by 250." and he said "...and that's 80. 80 pages. well. we never discussed length, so if you go over, that's ok..." and i said, "um, it NOT being 80 pages is the good thing, here." it means i'm OVERPREPARED, which is so much better than being underprepared. let me tell YOU.

-#2- the due date is NOT this friday, the 11th, and that's ok! he's back on the 28th and expects it all ready and done for then, to which i emanated another blinding face-beam, and said "nooo problem." fuck yeah.

problems that have arisen, however, are such:

-#1- now i really have to have a coherent thesis, and after yapping about stuff with him, i realize i'm going off on a billion different directions and my original source material - the women's interviews - were having a hard time fitting in! but i think i can actually use them as a basis (like you're supposed to) rather than fit them into this greater scheme of how the world works, as illustrated by these old ladies rambling.

-#2- will i take this opportunity to really work on my other school stuff in the extra time alloted? uhhhh....sure. sure i will.

oh man. today was my last class with Prof. Hottie. i dressed all kraftwerk today - or maybe ladytron inspired by kraftwerk - and our ties were nearly the same colour. he got a little personal, saying some of the same things that he had said (and regretted, i think) to the creampuff interviewer girl - and i don't think some of the rest of the class was as accomodating to what he was trying to say as i was. a group of the girls were standing around outside afterwards, saying they were mildly/maybe offended by the fact that one of the differences that he has enjoyed in teaching the class here is that when he teaches it in germany, there aren't many (if any) jewish students. i wouldn't say that i would be offended by that comment - just so disappointed because i would think that my loving eyes were the highlight of teaching the class here, no? (plus - does my gentile opinion count?)

but that's ok. it means that i have less competition for his soft, delicate hand.

i have to get home and share this wonderful news. about the essay, that is, not about my not-tearful-enough goodbye with prof. hottie.