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well.

i guess that's it.

socks and i have...decided? (such an odd phrase for it) to...stop being girlfriends, i guess. i don't want to say "end our relationship" because that's not what i want.

what DO i want...

i want to be with this amazingly creative, sensitive, outstandingly beautiful, generous, supportive person. i want to be able to give her everything she needs out of life, out of a partner. but i can't.

i need to be able to guarantee that i won't fuck up, that i will understand, that i will do absolutely ANYTHING...

but i can't.

i don't want to hurt her any more than i have already, and i'm afraid that if i made promises, vowed to be better, i would just let her down (again).

i would love to say she deserves someone who can do all that, but she deserves a ME who can do all that. i'm not in that place right now.

i've never done this before, so i don't know how it's done. i've never shared my life with someone for so long, and had to separate everything. separate my heart and head from that life.

this is so hard, but bound to get harder, then perhaps better.

until then, it is excrutiating.

what have i done?