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things and thoughts and feelings are landing with a dull thud, dropped from my head into my stomach.

back in the day, people thought that the brain was a system of pullies and levers, acting in a manner of causality like the inventions of Roob Goldberg. or it ran the body through the release of hot air and warm blood.

it is not completely irrational to believe that aristotle stated that the heart was the seat of perception, emotion, and cognition. the physical manifests of thought and emotion are present throughout the body. if i were a philosopher/doctor/great thinker at the time, i would have postulated the relation between the brain and the stomach.

i would have theorized that the brain has a direct physical connection to the stomach, by way of a tube. during times of stress and high emotion, the brain releases spirits from the ventricles, and they travel down the tube into the stomach. depending on the intensity of the stress, and the amount of spirits, different reactions may occur - a "tickling" during excitement, a contraction during pain and stress, and periods of great emotional intensity result in vomiting. the vomit itself is "liquid spirit" as it has been changed by the stomach itself.

i also feel that my brain is overrun with different "selves". this morning i was confronted with the reactions of my Cry Wolf Teenage self (who never actually existed, but is a construct of my mind). you may have one of your own. the one who threatens to kill herself at the drop of a hat, for any minor reason. at nearly 22 years old, i do not like to have the flashing thought of "i should just kill myself and have it done with" as the reaction to mistakes i have made. of course, i do NOT actually want to end my own life, but the words are the expression of that hopelessness, the quicksand of responsibilities and consequence in which i so often find myself drowning.

the dark spirit warns me, like The Cure once sang,
"don't struggle like that or i will only love you more"