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so today socks and i braved the unknown (i.e. our large large city and its transit system) to visit richard in the hospital. we brought a plant, some cds, my old computer speakers, hand cream and lip balm, and magazines to help make his time there a little more comfy.

the hospital was really quite nice. the main floor looked more like a mall or "shopping area" inside some office block, with huge potted trees, glass ceilings, etc. maybe they've got that whole "calming architecture" thing down pat.

going deeper into the hospital, and onto the wards, it felt a little more typical. his room was teensy, exacerbated by the fact that there were about 6 people huddled around his bed. his movements were slow, and he wasn't concerned with preening or presentation, but he seemed better than he had sounded in his phone calls.

i hooked up the speakers to his disk player, plugged everything in, and got some music into the room. it felt much better. and if he was alone, how much better would that make him feel? but i don't know that he would ever be alone - the phone would not stop ringing as he took calls from friends and family, even calls from vancouver...a coworker from the vicki gabareau show, an ex-boyfriend, his step-father, another friend, etc. etc. etc. this guy is so loved.

there was a keychain with a picture of his mother on one side, and both of his sisters' kids on the other. looking at the pic of his mother, i recognized the flowers in the background. her broad, beaming smile...it was at the funeral. how odd. a commemorative keychain.

richard told us how she had told her friends and the family that she was worried richard would die of a broken heart after the loss of his sister, and now...it was like her premonition was coming true.

(not happening)

(it's not going to happen)

i will see him on saturday, when these essays and "responsibilities" are out of my way and out of my head. i need to be with him, talking about the setlists for our next shows, what we're going to do this summer, writing original songs, everything.

go god go. you get off your ass and do something good, for once.

this is my boy we're talking about here.