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hey. that's strange. the time was right for once. how did that happen? and it wasn't 24hr time. i'm so confused.

so...this is what it's like to write in a locked entry...*looking around*...it shore is awful dark in here.

where to begin? i missed you, diary. i cheated on you with another diary. i'm afraid it's going to have to happen sometimes. my needs just aren't being met with you. yes, i'm afraid she's online, as well. no, she's not locked. don't look at me like that! i don't want you to be locked. but THEY found you, and socks was devastated, and...well, i suppose you know by now. the other one is not locked, but i'm not going to make any friends through it. i hardly even use WORDS with it. i know, i know, i don't pour my "heart and soul" into you like socks thinks i do. i don't know if i pour it into the other diary, either.

i'm smoking lots, diary. my mouth is sore and i think "ohmygod, that's cancer. i'll open wounds and bathe them in toxins, and i'll have to have my mouth cut out!" and i feel pains in my chest sometimes, like my breast has a stone under it. and my hands smell. and my face is riddled with red spots that i won't stop fingering, scratching, irritating.

i think my lack of appetite at the beginning of the week was half in part due to my doubling of my dosage, and half due to the situation. but you remember that it didn't last very long when i started these pills - i thought that i would be starving myself for weeks, a gleeful thought to me, but no. within 3 days or so i was back on track. now i can't keep these damn cadbury's christmas-coloured mini eggs outta my mouth. they were on sale. i don't need easter ones at twice the price. but i WILL take a marshmallow egg, a cream egg, a cookies-and-cream bunny, a truffle egg, etc. etc.

i'm going with socks to fred tonight. i've been trying to call him for two days now and nothing. socks thinks he prefers me, and hey, she might be right. since she can't speak to him anymore i'm going to go with her tonight. perhaps speak for her, perhaps just prod her along. i don't know. but if we are going to see him for couples counselling then she can't be feeling like he's on "my side".

ay ay ay.