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you know, i used to have over 10,000 hits. about 5,000 were mine, but still, an impressive number for someone who doesn't like to advertise. and then? then site meter got cranky and crashed, and now i have to start all over again.

read, i say! read the archives! (they are far better than this pap) - read from a (before prof. hottie) and see what a good lesbian i was! read some of my brushes, or head-on collisions, rather *chuckle*, with sheer insanity! oh...pooh.

i didn't get paid this week. i mistakenly thought that i WOULD get paid, so i took $20 - THE $20 - from my bank account and bought a little cheese, a little blue corn chips (oooh, how devilishly naughty of me!), a little sugar (stop, you're toooo much!). good thing i didn't buy a pack of smokes. week #3 of "sort-of quitting, cuz you're too broke" begins. dreams of going out and getting trashed are once again shot. however....... (oh, and this is a huuuuge however) i could get drunk.
i could get drunk and...PUT OUT!
acck, did i just say that? an indecent proposal has been made. i could give up my flower, so to speak, if i wanted to. but i don't think i want to just for the sake of GIVING it UP. (oh, how avril of me) - i think i'm back to square one with the idea of het sex - i need those fucking rose petals on the bed again, just like i needed the first time 'round. i need someone to be genuinely attracted to me, and men? genuinely attacted to anything? yeah, that's hard to come by. i've been struck by a strange sensation - of NOT wanting to be objectified! where did THAT come from, i wonder?? could i have an ounce of self-esteem in me? it doesn't seem possible (see entries referenced earlier in this page for proof) i think i'll stop here. i have to shower the shame right offa me.