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it was my grandfather's 93rd birthday 3 days ago.

it's been over 2 weeks since i last saw or heard from professor Hottie.

it's been 10 minutes since i handed in my research project.

ACK! what's that? it's actually IN? why yes! i seem to have pulled it off. now whether "it" is "C-" or a "D+" is yet to be seen. but that mammoth is in. it ended up being a cool 40 pages, in 11 point font, 1.5 spacing. (quotes were in 10.5 point) the "appendix" which consisted of my transcripts, was 69 pages. in 10.5 point font. holy shit. i had to buy a three ring binder to house the ungodly beast.

trying to come up with a coherent conclusion at 6 am this morning was not fun. considering i had been writing since 10.30 am the previous morning, and writing all day before that, let's just say my mind was not at it's sharpest. i think i started rambling and asking rhetorical questions, but perhaps it will be so amusing, the professor will have no choice but to grant me....a B. at least a freakin' B, please! i'll even take a B-. my god, man, *look at the effort* - and it cost me something ridiculous like $25 just to print the sucker out! the binder was $6! should i have taken it to a copy shop and had the whole thing cerlox-bound for, say, $10? of course! but isn't my slap-together, haphazard style just a tad endearing? doesn't it make you want to give me at least a B?

(the prof is hearing these thoughts as his office is but 30 metres from this computer. did i take the essay to his office, with him potentially inside? no i did not. i threw it at the history department secretary and ran away, like the yeller-bellied coward i am)

do you know that i am so sleep-deprived right now, and it's making me expend those last smidges of energy at an insane rate? when i lay down in bed this morning, trying to get 2 precious hours of shut-eye, my thoughts would not stop racing. in fact, now that i think about it, i was having audial delusions. there was speech and music, and random noises crashing throughout my head. it was like the soundtrack of some futuristic movie made in the 80s, just really fucked up. and i started giggling at my own insanity. then i eventually fell asleep.

now, my senses are picking up on something that i only wish was a delusion - i smell like cat pee. my shoelace was soaked in fine grade cat pee at some point, and it's potency is wafting all around me. when i put on my [unclean] shirt this morning, i thought that it also smelled of cat pee.

so i'm going to go home and sleep. my arms are feeling very separate from my body at this point. it's like my hands have a sensor that is being controlled by my head. no, not nerves. like some automatic typing machine. that is what i've become.

hoooolllyy shiiiiiitttt

these natural highs shore are something else.