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i just had a nice long "chat" with an old high school friend on msn messenger. she is in poland. god bless technology.

i caught up on my compulsive reads, boogie and my friend iota because it's nice to keep tabs like that. i feel like a stalker without the illegal-ness. but she knows, so it doesn't feel wrong, either. but then, what part makes it exciting? ;)

i bought a present for her, for her wedding, for her "stag" party. i told my girl that she had to strip for iota, because it would be cheaper than hiring a stripper. she suggested iota strip for us. i thought that was an interesting prospect.

i'm not telling you what i bought her because if i tell you, i tell her. since she's like, the only one who reads this. ahem. no, i'm not trying to guilt you into signing the guestbook or anything.

and i think my girl has lost hope, like i've lost hope. and she will come live with me and we'll make my palace OUR palace. and my bro will be out-on-the-street, while we repaint [naked] and clean [naked] and make love in our candlelit bathtub [also hopefully naked. though getting in the bath with clothes on seems strangely more erotic.]

i hope she will love it, and not resent me because this is "giving up" or "settling" even though when i ask if we saw my place as if we were looking now, and knew the price, would she want it? and she said yes. so there you go. it's so worthy.

my arm itches from my scratching. which she made me promise i would never do again. that's a tough promise to make, because sometimes you get so angry and depressed and frantic and frustrated, and you go into a trance. and anything that scratches, like a safety pin on the floor or a broken cd case, will scratch, because you are so to blame. stupidpieceofshit. and then you come out of your trance and feel calm and peaceful. i can't cut like the kids do. i have only three scars from when i started this nasty little habit when i was 16. it would happen only like for a period every year or so, but i didn't want people to see, or ask, or wonder, so unlike the kids, i never did cut.

i have read far too many diaries about people cutting themselves. i thought this should be renamed "cuttingland.com" because of these wacky kids and their crazy trends.

and now i'm going to stop talking. because i wouldn't want you to think that i'm just like all the kids.