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*SIGH*

oh. i feel SO much better now! yes, yes, yes.

prof. hottie replied to my email. and he said "please forgive me" about not responding sooner - my spidey sense (aka my awesome stalking abilities) did NOT let me know that he was at a conference. oh. he is so grand. it was nice and addressed what i wrote and was just....so nice. heee.

my god, you must think i'm mad - this is the first thing i mention. this, in the sea of a thousand ails. like the ongoing hurt i face between my mother and my girlfriend. my convocation yesterday (i was "hooded" and couldn't shake the chancellor's hand because of SARS precautions). and most importantly, sad news.

remember my friend? i get a lot of hits for that page, which is not a bad thing because i think it spreads the word about the drug that started it all...well. he died last week. and it was a pretty hard thing to understand because his parents didn't inform too many people, and had the service and everything...and people who visited him constantly and were very close, like my friend k8, are a little lost. we don't even know where he is. she's trying to track him down, basically, so we can actually pay our respects. and we don't know what happened.

it wasn't like he was "getting better" but apparently the last time she visited him, in feb, he was sitting in a chair in his hospital room by himself. the last time i saw him, i don't think he was on a respirator, but i don't think there was any improvement by way of responsiveness. basically a 2-year long coma.

so it wasn't especially a shock, but it was. because he was in this liminal state, hovering like a bodied ghost. gone, but there. but i cried, and continue to cry, because now his body is gone, too. there's nothing left for us, and whatever hope we might have had, in some fantasy world, has gone along with him.