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stop that incessant beeping, whatever you are! i hate school libraries. pah.

so. so yesterday i got something in the mail. an ALUMNI magazine. not from the school that i graduated from, but from one that i attended. a very large, very good school. and the people who were in my 5th-6th-7th-8th grade classes and STAYED at this school through high school and graduated, well, they ended up being all friggin' brilliant and going to places like stanford and harvard and what not. others got a little too party-hardy and worried about AIDS and pregnancies and alcohol poisoning. others, like the principal's son who was on my soccer team, fell off the balcony at a graduation party and died. that school just STAYS with you like nothing else, so even though i only went there for my "middle school" years, it is very important to me.

so they have an "alumni profile" of this guy who was in my grade, class of '97. and he was there when i was there. and i couldn't really remember him. i had an idea that he was one of those little smart boys who hadn't really hit puberty, so naturally my nose was not seeking out his pheremones in order for him to reject me and make fun of me behind my back, like most pubescent boys will do.

this guy was BRILLIANT and got a full 4-year scholarship to university, did a double major (and two - count 'em TWO) theses in 3 FUCKING YEARS. then he came back to indonesia and STARTED AN ORPHANAGE.

my god. this guy is my age. and he has the brains, talent, and drive to do anything he wants. and he's running his own orphanage.

wow. do i ever feel like a lazy, stupid, underacheiving piece of crap.

now i get why people hate high school reunions so much.

i thought, why couldn't i have gone to some podunk little high school where you are succeeding merely by virtue that you are NOT squeezing out the kids?

i thought, man, i'm the pot-smoking unwed mother of a school like this. someone who is still trying to finish a 3-year degree after 4 years (a double MINOR at that)...

my daughter, she's 8, her name's vasleen. and my other daughter, she's 5, her name's velveeta. and my son, he's three months, his name's JaCfrey. it's like jack and jeffrey put together.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggh!