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way to start detoxing. with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. pah.

well, yesterday was the semi-official "deadline" for two papers that were due last semester. by that, i mean waaaaay back in the early spring. i haven't technically "started" them. if ever you are assigned a book review, do NOT, i repeat, do NOT decide to do daniel jonah goldhagen's "hitler's willing executioners". it has many problems, so surely will be fodder for page after page of ranting, but a) it will take 4 years to read, and b) you will spend most of that time thinking you are stupid. are you that stupid? no, you couldn't possibly be that stupid. could you? noooo. it's poorly written. you're not stupid. but maybe it's NOT poorly written and you are too stupid to understand it. oh, and it's 5 gazillion pages.

i think i'm hating political science professors writing overheated books on the nazi genocide (case in point: "neighbours" by jan t. gross. but THAT overwrought gorefest was only a paltry 100-200 pages, if i remember correctly. it did NOT take me 6 months to read.)

fuck. i want more coffee/nicotine.

my brother has taken to the raw food diet like the good little OCD-dieter he is. he loves the panacea. he should get that tatooed on himself. he always comes up with grand plans are supposed to fix all his problems in one fell swoop. he does the same with food.

my issue with this round is partly generalized sibling-annoyance at his extremely predictable behaviour, and in turn, his amazing tendency to maintain hypocrisy. he has embraced the challenges that preparing a raw diet presents, yet still smokes like a chimney. and has also developed an addiction to diet soft drinks. huh? now i understand that drastically changing one's diet does give one a sense of mastery when one has been eating little but burger king and popeye's chicken, but why raw? why doesn't he just go vegetarian for ease, if he's not prepared to truly detoxify his body? eh. it annoys me a lot less than some of his other food-related obsessions. but goddammit, i would love if this apartment were smoke-free. it is not half as bad in the summer, when all doors and windows are open, but come winter time, when everything is shut tight, it's pretty horrible.

i want to change my room around, too. not easy when it is as narrow as a hallway and has a main installation of a loft bed.

god, i need to be thin again so i can justify more than half of my wardrobe's existence.