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ooooooooh man.

i'm a mix of giddy and completely exhausted. the two are distinct, yet coexist.

the giddiness is coming from the fact that i spent some WUNDERBAR face time with professor hottie. oh. oh. so. good. he sat next to me in class for the movie (something that has been sorely missing from my schedule of obsessive delusion-feeding for the past two weeks) and afterwards, i had to discuss my research paper with him. i thought i would just be telling him my crappy topic, and he'd be telling me that was fine, but no - he was actually all "helpful professor"-like, and i got nervous and inarticulate, since i was unprepared for such a level of intimacy. he had his coat on and EVERYTHING. can you imagine? rrrar!

he said, "well, actually, i have an appointment in a few minutes...if you have a minute, maybe you could come to my office and meet this person who is interested in the same field?"

oh.my.god. i thought, 'is this really happening? does he have so much faith in my intellectual brilliance that he is willing to introduce me to a colleague or contemporary of his? maybe i won't have to schlep it at the bike shop, after all! maybe i can do research, finally, and make a name for myself!'

we walked (no, not hand in hand, unfortunately) to his office, and i walked behind him up the stairs (again, no butt-grabbing allowed) and tried not to seem too out of breath or dizzy when we finally reached the...third floor. ahem. it's been a long and lazy winter.

there, waiting outside his office, was a girl. no official looking wummun, but a girl. could she be a grad student then? no, no she wasn't. she gave me the most marshmallowy, cream-puff handshake EVER (and i thought, 'she just gave that handshake to HIM! ack! if only *I* had the chance to shake his soft, soft hands! i would show him what kind of a woman i am!' i know what you're thinking. 'lesbian?!?' yes, yes, i know.) she was a student doing a final article for her program in journalism, and she ended up basically interviewing him - and me, by proxy - but i'm not so sure it was efficient. well, the point of it was i was privy to Prof. Hottie's thoughts on the class, the students, and luckily i became a little more articulate. unfortunately, i might have made some rather general remarks about boys being third reich junkies, and other vague information on nazi policy towards jewish women...i dunno. i sounded smart, but perhaps not authoritarian enough. or maybe too authoritarian. perhaps that was the problem. i'm just too...cocksure.

after it was all over and we looked at our watches, i think (oh, i THINK) he made some comment about how he better get going...his WIFE..[endthought] but i flipped it over in my mind, pretending that a)i knew this deep down already, or b)i DIDN'T hear it because he didn't say it, or c)he said "my LIFE.." because he's actually gay and meant "my life partner". yeah, that's the ticket. it didn't bother me too much since it was such quality time, and i was wearing my new coat and looking pretty nice, despite not having a dazzling new haircut. note: get haircut.

another factor in my giddiness, also prof. hottie related, is that he ain't going anywhere - at least not for another year. turns out, he's teaching a course that i've REALLY wanted to take the past two years, but it hasn't been offered. of COURSE i thought "well, what's a 7th year of school..." but my sensibility is unfortunately overshadowing my obsession. i can't believe that HE is teaching it. fred asked me if there was any possibility that i could sit in on the class, or whatever, and technically, i could audit the course for $150. woo! that's a high price to pay for an obsession, don't you think? is it? maybe it isn't! then he suggested that i somehow get myself linked up as his T.A. for it. prior to this discussion, he asked me if Prof. Hottie propositioned me, would i be tempted. i blushed, and said that in reality, i probably would be too scared. but would i be tempted? he asked. yes, no question. but Prof. hottie is just too lovely for that kind of smut, i'm afraid. does he know that practically everyone in class has a crush on him, just because he's nice? (i'm sure of it now)

maybe i could convince him that this is how we do it in canada. it's nice an normal. lesbians and male professors do it ALL THE TIME.