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ok, that wasn't so bad.

after all, i'm sitting at my brother's place again, with $400 in my shirt pocket, and a bloodstream filtering out the chicken supper residue.

the worst part of the weekend was #1 my cat. i was wrong about the "injected with water 3 times a day" thing - it's actually injected with THREE big syringes of water ONCE daily, which leaves him with this water balloon-type bulge beneath his skin. i amended the process by holding a bowl of water at his face every few hours, making sure he was DRINKING the water. i also advised my mom to get some pedialyte or something similar, but i think she's going to take him to the vet tomorrow. to do...the deed. i must ask her to clip some of his fur for me. my poor, poor boy...i really hate having animals for this very reason. you can tell them all you want that you love them and have appreciated them all your life, but they can't tell you anything. they just waste away, or suffer, or stumble....it's horrible. i hate the lifespan.

ok, other than that...

ummm..i don't know. i felt like i couldn't get stoned all weekend. i think it's one of those mental things, like heroin users who anticipate the high, so their brain starts reacting BEFORE they've shot up. also that whole environmental thing - like, always shooting up in the same dank alleyway (or conversely, on the same nice 1960's white leather couch...i don't know who's doing heroin these days, dammit) and needing those environmental stimuli to "coach" the high into being. yeah, well...smoking joints in ottawa is strangely unsatisfying.

i've also been operating on a strange sleep/eating schedule, since we all have rabidly different lifestyles. my one brother works from 5am - 1pm, i work from 11am - 7pm, and my ottawa brother works from 7am - 3pm. and our recreational schedule that accompanies is even more varied. so i don't eat or sleep when my body really wants to, and it's screwing with me.

this is really fucking boring.