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been up for an hour and a half now. actually got some decent sleep for once in the past few nights. maybe i'll actually eat a decent meal, too, but that could be asking for a lot.

so. last week? most fucked up week ever. after much of the s. drama, and pining, and "why why why"s, i had my little nervous breakdown on wednesday and didn't go to class, and didn't hand in a paper that was due (uhhh, still haven't written it yet) - got a new prescription from fred on thursday since i was bawling most of the appointment and going "shit shit shit" over and over again. they are horse pills and i haven't started them.

then later that day i had an oral presentation in my WWII class, and it went well, then i had drinks with the 33 year old. it went well, as well, and i was excited about it in a certain way (i entered into it feeling that it was platonic but found her engaging and attractive) - but i realized that had i gone into it as a date, i would have behaved a little differently...sayyyy, using a filter to stop myself from saying a lot of things that apparently straight people are well-versed in not saying on first dates. maybe lesbians know this, too, but i think they screw up first dates faaaar more often.

anyhoo, as if that wasn't enough, i agreed to coffee with a woman i've been referring to as "the 29 year old divorcee" because that just sounds fancy. no, it just identifies my applicants. i said "sure, saturday." not thinking, woah, give it a minute here...then it progressed quickly and not entirely awkwardly to me offering the opportunity to stay over (i don't even think i used the word "crash"! does that mean i'm not juvenile anymore??) as it was becoming a saturday night sort of thing.

i don't have the energy to recap everything but let's just say this:
* i defy my own expectations/worries
* i really can find people enjoyable and am not entirely evil
* i am, however, the devil. no blue dress yet, but in a pierre cardin tie, perhaps?
* for once i was not the one grinning like a goof the entire time. but now i know why it works.
* she fainted.

the end. ;)