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just got back from the country. a very normal-ish christmas; not too good, not too bad - lukewarm water? no, all in all it was positive.

the "hired help" was away for most of my week home, which was a blessing. she returned today and i knew that if i had had to sit there listening to her incessant cough and viewing her inactivity first hand i would have spent a lot more time in the snow-logged woods.

interesting thing: my father was in thailand for christmas, apparently somewhere around phuket. with my brother's godfather at his home, and presumably their respective Thai Bitches. i wished nothing but grief upon my father this holiday season, especially for his lack of communication or correspondance with the family, especially on christmas. and then a tsunami went and killed something like 60,000 people (and rising).

now, my father was not one of these people. in fact, i doubt he was in danger at all, but there was that spark of hope in me. we did receive an email that said he was asked to go to colombo to help out there, but said that he was in thailand and was requesitioned to phuket instead. upon hearing this, i cynically and angrily spat that he was weaseling his way out of going to sri lanka, where they needed the most help - a selfish maneuver. now, of course LOGISTICALLY it was easier for my dad to stay in thailand, as he had been there for a while and knew the system and the embassy in bangkok, blah blah, but i'd rather be pissed at him.

so today i declared that i hope he chokes on the stench of death, and that normal people would likely have some life-changing epiphany from such a traumatic experience, but probably not him. hence the choke-wish.

i am not really evil. and i suppose i am (on some base level) "proud" that my father is working on this, on the frontlines so to speak, and that he is an integral cog in the machine.

but i'm also still a very hurt daughter, so you'll have to excuse my callousness during this time.

interesting, no?