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so yesterday was september 11th. not having a tv really made it quite unnoticeable at all.

i didn't do much, met up with socks, hugged her and tried not to let her use me as a security blanket, though she needs it right now. well, especially because she needs it right now. i would not be a good person IF i didn't stand my ground, keep my distance emotionally, if not physically, and fall into a "what was" sort of puddle.

then i came home, started sorting out my room, my cds. i love my cds. it hurts me that they will be obsolete. i alphabetize them, or shove ones with special cases into racks, or knock over a stack and have to pick them all up again, clackingclackingalwaysclacking...but when they're lined up so neatly and all the signs of your preferences and secret shames are neatly evident...there's nothing like that satisfaction. now i will have to go through the diametrically opposite feeling of frustration when i open up a case and that cd is NOT THERE. or the..."didn't i have ok computer? who the FUCK HAS IT???"

even though i made this one little corner neat, and have unpacked boxes, it's a little pointless since the room has not been painted. oh well, there is only so much scum one can take.

i cleaned up the kitchen a bit more, as well, and i-boy came over with his Tools. an electric sander with the promise of making our lives and tasks so much easier, and...it was ok. it will help me sand the chest of drawers i inherited. (note to self - do that today, you lazy bitch)

of course all the things that i violently HATE about my brother have not changed as they have been fully ingrained into his personality. it's too late now, he's over 30. there's no turning back. men are truly like dogs. but even amoebas can be trained, so why the fuck is it so hard for them?

anything that looks good and is currently being used in homes because it looks good (or in fashion, for that matter, or hair, or glasses, or WHATEVER) is "too trendy." i fucking hate this. i am not a trend follower in the slightest. i like things that look good. painting more than one colour in a room, offsetting the space, adding an interesting element by using a band of another colour, etc. IT IS NOT TRENDY IT JUST FUCKING LOOKS GOOD!!!!!! my other brother used this technique LONG ago, and it may be in "fashion" now because other people have picked up on it, on how GOOD it looks. how you can cheaply make your space look GOOD. agggh. laziness is NOT uniqueness.

(he hasn't even moved in yet)

(i've had this apartment to myself for the past while, and i already am planning his death)

(what the FUCK have i gotten myself into?!?!)