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i said i would continue, or rather, fill out the story of the amazing Preggo, but now i'm retracting that. i have to remember the situation a little more clearly in my head. perhaps you will get the wonderful added supplement of diary entries. but perhaps i will just keep them to myself.

i pulled a grand all-nighter yesterday to finish (or start, ha ha) a ten page paper on like, medieval chicks and stuff. oh yeah, something about misogyny, too. what-ever.

even after all the procrastinating that led to this "war-effort" response, i *still* procrastinated...i saw Windows card games all day. i think i started tripping over incomplete stacks of suits...

it's funny (not funny ha ha, but funny strange) that this one should mention death camps, because i've been doing far too much reading on death camps. i have a book review due on friday and have been immersed in the medicalization of genocide, and the role of the nazi doctors. in order to "psych" myself up for this next inevitable all-nighter, i have rented several death-camp/nazi faves to strengthen my will. i can't remember most of "schindler's list" though i had watched it before, so i rented that again. i have to say kudos to speilberg, as much as i yawn at most of his work (so un-dawson leery of me!), for bringing a big-budget slap in the face to the movie-going public. i am still only halfway there (i know the worst is yet to come) and already find myself surprised at the stark, very real brutality of the depiction. no watering it down. i'm also "pleased" to see him use a lot of the little things that i have read from survivor's accounts, such as the pricking of the fingers in order to rouge the cheeks before "examinations" of the SS doctors.

i have some documentaries as well. so i know that the actors are not going to get up at the end of the take.

i'm not sure why i watch these things, read about them, etc. i think it's because i can. i'm not testing myself or shocking myself at all - there was a purpose to it, so i am trying to discover that. part of me also wants to know how i can read through a survivor's account, but my girlfriend would probably not make it past the first page. that, for lack of a better word, sensitivity to horror. i am not an insensitive person, but i don't, and CAN'T shy away from horror.

hmm.