�

people in libraries are such crackheads, i tell you. "excuse me, i signed up for this computer at 1.30."

well, dearie, you just pace back and forth, since my computer clock shows 1.26....ah, fuck it. psychos breathing down my neck are something i have resolved to avoid this year.

i'm feeling really dazed, or drugged, or in the throes of some allergic reaction or illness. i'm super-tired. my first week of school was pretty evil. i have class every day except fridays, and i'm going to be working on mondays and saturdays. YAY. i'm not quite sure what is going on with my independent study thingy since i'm not so good at being independant. DANT? or DENT? i can't even fucking spell it. loser.

i do have some WUNDERBAR news to report, though. my "holocaust in literature and film" prof is a fresh-off-the-boat honest to goodness Deutschlander...Sven. oooH! and! oh.man. --he is aesthetically like mr. rose!-- but void of the cocky arrogance [that i found so sexy as an insecure 8th grader]. no, in fact, he has endearing insecurities that i find even SEXIER as a bipolar-like insecurevsconfident 23 year-old! like "um, can yoo unduhstand my inglish? puhaps my ax-ent iz too strongg..." mmm. nope.

is this a problem? hm, somewhat. the fact that i couldn't stop grinning maniacally and stifling girlish giggles when he walked in the room and sat DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM ME was pretty bad. then we had to introduce ourselves, and i pretty much ignored everyone and when it was my turn, i felt like my mouth was glued shut. i said something about my name, something else about the holocaust, then trailed off in confusion. but he was nodding and smiling, so i just unclenched my pelvic muscles and let my bladder drain in relief. no, that wouldn't have been too good either.

he would also tuck in a quick "ja.." when he had finished one thought and was moving on to another. *sigh!*

i thought, 'how am i going to face socks? she'll see this shit-eating grin and just KNOW that i'm going to leave her for my Kultural Scientist professor...' but about an hour had lapsed, so my adrenaline had stopped spiking by then. i made her ask me how the class was and it took her about 5 guesses as to why i was so pleased. she said, "see how well i know you? who else would guess that?"

"...um, EVERYBODY!!" but she said that she wasn't jealous, since i'm "always" hot for my teachers. um, that's probably not the reassurance I'D be looking for, but ok! if it means we can carry on our clandestine affair a little easier, i'm all for it.

mmmm, ja.