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i've moved on to the stage of "obsessive near-stalking" in regards to my professor.

ugh.

i'm so pathetic.

my patheticness is evinced by the lengths to which i will go in order to get his attention and undying love and respect. respect + patheticness? i will make it happen. it is a fine balancing act, my friend, but this game requires a steady hand. and bustyness, lots of bustyness, which is not being aided by my baggy wardrobe.

last week he lamented that we wouldn't be able to watch a certain movie since he didn't actually have a copy, and it was apparently deleted from the MGM library. i stepped up to the plate. i told him that i was sure i would be able to find a copy - that it was to be my mission (well, i didn't let him in on that...you know, strategic confidentiality and all). of course, like a pro, i found several copies in the city. i emailed him that i was confident that we would have a copy for class next week. and that i loved him. no, i had to leave that part out. again - strategic confidentiality.

so on tuesday, we watched "the diary of anne frank" which was just gag-some with it's over-the-top 50's portrayal as anne as a regular teen, who hates her mom and loves boys, just like you american gals, but she just happens to be in a shitbind. but we won't mention that. he had to swing over the desk several times in order to reach the fast-forward button, giving me ample desire to become that desk. his movements were confident, assertive - athletic prowess AND brains! woo! he's a keeper.

my archenemy, the pretty one, asked "did they keep the cat?" to no reply.

at the end of the class, he asked the girl sitting next to him if it was she who had emailed him about the film. i lay low and put away my books, instead of shouting "no, it was i! i am your secret saviour!" to a background of sweeping violins and falling rosepetals. she corrected him but managed to set up an office appointment! cunt!

after their conversation had ceased, i decided that i needed to grab some balls. i gestured towards him and asked if he had received my email (so sneaky, am i) about the movie. ah, 'twas me, it twas...and then he started talking about how he was not sure about scheduling and if he could show the two i had mentioned and blah blah...um. that's not me.

i interrupted him in his endearingly confused speech, and said that i had actually sent him the email about that OTHER film. (by the way, how many of these biotches am i competing with here??? WHO IS EMAILING HIM??? i'll find you, dammit.) ah, yes, yes, he was *really* mixed up, apologies, apologies, no, that's alright...i wanted to grab his expressive, soft hand and introduce myself properly - so he would never "mix me up" again. and i wanted to grab his hand.

"so, should i get the film?" "would that be ok?" of course it would be alright. i'd be happy to do so. (i'm sure the issue of monetary compensation will come up. what a perfect opportunity to let him know he could compensate me in other ways. like deflowering me. that seems like a fair trade, doesn't it? video rental, heterosexual-cherry-poppin'?) that really helps, he said. mmm. i'm helpful, aren't i.

knowing that he received the email, i rushed to the nearest computer to check his reply. alas, but a one-liner, but again, expressing how much it "helps". good god, man, stop BEING SO SEXY.

i told all of this to my friend k8, who kept coughing "*brownose*" and "*keener*" to which i expressed my paranoia that others in the class knew that i was totally in love with the man. i do have the feeling that they are looking at me look at him....perhaps i shall thwart them with a display of lesbiosity! where is that kd lang shirt...or maybe the now-too-small Pride 2000 t-shirt, which will stretch the varsity-font letters of "pride" across my ample bosom. hmm, a busty, lusty lesbian...how intriguing, no?

i think i've suitably dug my own grave for the day, thankyouverymuch. i will return to my studies, in order to further seduce him with my ample busty brain.