�

ok, ok i'm a big lamewad and i stayed in to watch SURVIVOR instead of venturing out to see lil' ol hawksley. but my god! the reception on my tv was perfect! it was like the gods were telling me that i had made the right choice! i didn't have to touch the coat hanger antenna once all night!

so what happened? do you care? (no) well. it seems that the running pattern of the first bootee is the Lesbian or Dykey-like woman. now, i totally missed the very first survivor ever, so i can't tell you if Sonja (bless her) fit all the elements of the pattern, but my theory is the kinda dumb, dykeybutnot, takes charge of the map and loudly declares "IT'S THATTA WAY YOUS GUYS!" in some rural accent gets the boot first. ah debb. you liked building things with rocks. diane? you had no personality, a flimsy gut, and the worst hair EVER. was that...shaved on the sides???

(ok, i have to apologize for the BILLIONS out there who did not watch the show. just give me ONE MORE PARAGRAPH.)

and man, this bunch are STOOPID. they ALL go off to get water, rather than leave like 2 people behind to keep trying on that whole fire thing. you'd think that once you knew you were picked for survivor, you would practice night and day to start a fire out of thin air, just to have that oh-so-valuable skill. NO. MORONS. and i'm a little suspicious of CBS already - apparently, if you don't have a fire, you'll, like, totally get eaten by lions. but in the three days that we see, we don't get one night shot. they didn't even bother building shelters. what?? i think they loaded them up in jeeps at night and said "you're too stupid to survive." weird.

IN OTHER NEWS...

iota sold me her bike, supposebly called "rockstar" (but all i could see was MARIN, so i think i'll have to rechristen the bike "marineland") and then gave me most of my money back after i complained that it was broken. it was a crappy situation. i had warned her against nogoodniks, and sure enough, they had apparently taken the one day that the bike was out in front of her apartment to molest it. one day! that's why i was looking for some big heavy old bike, because those baggy ass punks don't try to steal those. but i will get the wee one fixed and terrorize the sidewalks soon. muhahaha. i care not for riding on the road! see if i care!

and f-dog was being ultra-sneaky trying to get to my falafel. "i will lick your face and subtley turn to the right to...lickyourfalafel!" we thwarted him at every turn, however. so only i had falafel breath that night, sorry boy.