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i saw fred last night, for the first time in...fucking ages. he was still deaf, and still cut his fingernails with scissors, and still misheard things. most importantly, he didn't tell me what i wanted to hear, which is always a big thrill with shrinks. i mostly agree with this logic, but not yesterday. dammit.

i am feeling and acting very much the same way i did last year. like, EXACTLY last year. give or take a week - but look, look, look, look, look, look, look! fuck.

so fred told me again, like he had last year, i believe, that i couldn't make decisions in such a critical state of being. don't make decisions while fucked up, i guess, is an more simple way to put it. but when a pattern repeats, it's so hard to NOT want to stop it. especially when one finds oneself feeling the same way.

should one plod along because they can, and have before, and things have gotten better, and then they've gotten worse, and then they've gotten better again?

don't make decisions while fucked up, k. TRY not to. try.